Rachel Amandson

After a refreshing morning shower, you are using your hair dryer when you happen to notice a small label on the handle that warns, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping." You find this rather odd, but since it is early in the morning, you ignore it. You head to your room to finish up some homework and discover you are out of ink. As you change the ink cartridge, you notice a small warning label that reads, "Do not eat toner." This time, the sheer stupidity of the label gnaws at your brain, but you don't have time to think about it because you are late for class. To get there in a hurry, you take your scooter. While riding, you notice a small warning label on the scooter: "This product moves when used."

Although this may sound too ridiculous to be true, these are all actual warning labels that have been documented at www.mlaw.org, the website of Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, M-LAW for short. Other examples of preposterous warning labels documented on the website include a baby stroller with the warning, "Remove child before folding," an electric carpenter's drill that warns, "This product not intended for use as a dental drill" and a nine-by-three inch bag of air used for packing with a label that reads, "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow or flotation device."

These warning and caution labels are silly and may seem idiotic at times, but they are the result of something much more serious. In the words of Robert B. Dorigo Jones, the president of M-LAW, "Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times." It is because of the stupidity and greed of some people that these warning labels exist. If nobody had ever tried using the products in inappropriate ways that resulted in them injuring themselves and suing as a result, these absurd warning labels would not exist.

What is the danger in these warning labels? According to Jones, "Plaintiff's lawyers who file the lawsuits that prompt these warnings argue they are making us safer, but the warnings have become so long that few of us read them anymore -- even the ones we should read." Although some warning labels are actually important, they are ignored along with the rest of the warnings, because so many of the labels are so outrageous.

What causes these lawsuits? Well, stupidity, for one thing, but I think the real reason for the lawsuits goes far deeper than that. The real reason is greed. When most of us do something stupid, we are able to laugh at ourselves and learn to be more cautious next time we are considering doing something unwise. Sadly, some people are just looking to make some quick money, regardless of who it ends up hurting. These people find lawsuits an easy way to make money without the risk of losing anything because many prosecuting lawyers today charge on a contingency basis (meaning they work the case for free and if the plaintiff is awarded any money, they charge one-third or more of the winnings, plus court fees).

Whether the plaintiffs win the lawsuits or not, the defendants always lose money. The average cost to defend oneself in a non-automotive personal injury case is $7,500 (source: www.cala.org). In cases where businesses are involved, the number quickly jumps into the tens of thousands of dollars.

The people hurt the most by ridiculous lawsuits are small businesses and you, the consumers. Small businesses are hurt because many cannot afford to defend themselves against these ludicrous lawsuits. How are you affected? Lawsuits raise the prices of products and services in the United States. Companies charge more for their products in order to cover the costs of hiring lawyers and paying rewards. The costs of health care have risen in the United States for the same reason (www.cala.org).

What can one do to help stop lawsuit abuse? There are many organizations and lobby groups that are trying to reform our legal system and weed out unreasonable lawsuits. As mentioned before, M-LAW (www.mlaw.org) is one of these. Other sites to check include www.overlawyered.com, www.power-of-attorneys.com and www.cala.org. At any of these sites, you can report absurd lawsuits you know about or find more information on how to support changing the American legal system to help block lawsuit abuse.

Something needs to be done to stop lawsuit abuse before more small businesses are shut down, U.S. products and services go up even more in price and more stupid warning labels are slapped on consumer goods. Otherwise, before you know it, this paper will start with a warning: "CAUTION: Reading may tire eyes, cause heightened brain activity and encourage learning."